Suicidal?

Yes, it is true that I Antoine Terrell Piegaro McAdams is suicidal...for how long you ask? Since I was 11. Yes, I know that is a really young age to have seriously fucked up thoughts like I did/do. But, Consider you father telling you things like "I want to kill you," and "I'm sorry I had you," your mom being on drugs around the same time and saying she hates you. Having a large family that tells you "You are full of talent and potential," Yet, the constantly contradict EVERYTHING they say to you...only allowing you to be yourself and show you of when their friends come around.
I have been though so much pain nobody on this earth can cure my pain...I try my best to be happy in public as best I can but, lately it's really hard seeing people happy how I used to be before I turned 11. Ever since 11 I grown Annoying to people, I was never really popular, a lot of people hated me because I was so smart as a matter of fact by the time I got to middle school people were so jealous of my scoring high on tests and getting all the answer right people started plotting to beat me up, jump me...fight me and they did to the point where I got so scared I wouldn't even answer in class anymore...which caused me to stay back in middle school and flunk out of high school...
...and since then my life has been degrading, I feel I have no further purpose in life...I've made up my mind I wanna cut life short and no one can stop me.